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It's been over five years since the dead began to rise, and an overwhelming force of demonic enemies are running rampant in the streets. The population of undead are growing and constantly on the move, but can humanity survive such a deadly plague? Or is it already too late?
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Post by Brie "Phthonus" Adams on Jan 22, 2014 2:27:19 GMT -4
I love the dirty tricks
and twisted games you play on me.
The first heavy snow fall of the year, the ground blanketed in three inches of white fluff while more rained down from the sky above. It was truly beautiful, and as the area around was completely covered, a single figure stood out against the shimmering white landscape. Not that she didn't stand out any other time, with her pink hair and her petite stature. Not to mention her rather dark and scantily clad form of dress. Though, given the weather and the fact that more and more lately she had been under the weather due to the drugs she was pumping into her system, today was not a day for skimp clothing and sexy little outfits. In fact, she was not dressed like she usually would be at all.
Rather than leather pants and form fitting corsets, the pink haired Overmind of Envy wore a pink dress which clung to her upper torso and flowed elegantly toward the ground, dragging softly through the snow as she walked toward the Necropolis.The dress was something of her own design, one that she had worked on for the past month and a half, in secret. It was designed so that the bottom portion of the dress, the skirt, could be pulled away and removed completely. Underneath, a pair of black leather pants clung to her figure, helping to ensure that she stayed warm enough and that she had something on in case she had to disassemble her dress. Naturally, she was not planning on it, but in this world you never knew when a situation would arise that meant you had to fight or run and well, the dress would not allow for either, at least not easily.
A black leather jacket was pulled tightly around her upper body, sealing in the warmth as she waded through the snow with her heeled leather boots that wrapped around her calves and stopped just below her knees. In a sense, it was still the same Envy, standing out and not at all fitting into the normal perspective of what people in this world looked like now. But then, it wasn't like her to go out in a dress this fancy or to be alone when she did so. However, tonight was a different kind of night. It was the anniversary of her birth and as she did every year, she made her way to the meeting place of Overminds to sit in silence and pray to her Father.
Nobody knew what today was. Not even her beloved Reaver with whom she shared every detail of her existence. Why she had never told him was still a mystery, even to her, but she supposed that a lot of it had to do with the fact that she honestly did not know that birthdays were big deals. To her, it was a silly tradition that she had acquired from a book she read and nothing more. It was a chance for her to try and atone for her wrong doings, at least any that might have displeased her Father, over the past year. Had she not been evil enough? Had she not been vicious enough? These were questions that plagued her mind as she neared the doors of the Necropolis and slowly pulled them open.
White flakes dusting her hair, the Kakai of Envy released a deep breath into the somewhat stagnant air of the room. It had been awhile since anyone had been here she supposed, watching the cloud of white mist form and then disappear just as quickly. There was a fireplace at the far end of the room, but being the spoiled little thing that she was, the idea of lighting a fire for herself did not even cross her mind. That had always been Gavin's job, and seeing as he was not here and had not been around since long before she left the house. (He orders of course.) She figured that the cold would simply have to do. Besides, it was still a far cry better than the weather outside.
Boots clicking against the floor, she slowly slid out of the jacket that she had been wearing, draping it over one of the seats that lined the row she currently walked down. It wasn't like there was anyone here to take it, and to be honest, she was growing tired of it anyway. She would soon have to seek out another one, though that was a matter left for another day. Her small hands gathering up the skirt of her dress, she would proceed forward until she reached the center of the room, staring now at a mural which depicted her Father and the bodies of those who had wronged him. A weak smile curling upon her lips, she would slowly lower herself into a kneeling position on the stone floor, her dress pooling around her, as she reached between her breasts and pulled forth a small trinket.
It was nothing much. A simple medallion which she had stolen a few weeks prior. It was that of a Satanist cult, she was sure, and it was the perfect offering to the man, who at the moment, had just about everything. Thumb slowly tracing over the inverted pentagram, she would say nothing, only close her eyes and let the silence of the room envelope her. It was like this every year that she came here. Silence. Emptiness. Frigid cold....and yet none of the years prior had it ever mimicked so closely what she felt deep within her soul. But then, she had never been in the place she was now, so broken down and defeated inside that she was unsure if she would ever find her way back to who and what she used to be.
Post by Gavin Adams on Jan 22, 2014 5:14:51 GMT -4
Gavin, was out on the town so to speak. It was what Envy had commanded of him this morning, or will this dusk really. As soon as the sun descended beyond the horizon and it had been safe for him to go out she had shooed him out of the house. He had been sleeping still and her found her waking him up and ushering him out of the house. No, it wasn't rude or lacking the love that she had for him, it was just sudden. At the same time, though surprising, it wasn't unexpected. As it had gotten colder and colder into the months of winter Gavin had started to expect this day and had been preparing himself for it. Sure, he had no clue what this day was, but when it came to her hardly anything ever slipped past him, though in all fairness there was nothing to slip past him, he never needed to ask as she shared everything with him, even the painful stuff.
Yet after six years, she had never told him what she did on the day of the first snow of the year. As long as he had been with her on that day she had never spoke of it. Never any mention, only an ushering out the door and a directive not to follow her or try to find her. To say he was curious was to say the least, every year usually the entirety of this day was spent wondering what exactly she did. Sure, he could follow her, spy on her, hell he could even ask her where she went. Though the fact taht she had never mentioned this day to him, only ushered him out kept him from doing either. It was the one secret that she kept from him and there was something about that that just seemed sacred. He would wonder, and puzzle over it all day for once a year, but ultimately that was as far as it ever got.
On this day sometimes he killed, well, most of these days he did, but tonight? Well tonight was different. He didn't quite feel so inclined. No, she ushered him out and as he was pulling on his boots and finishing covering himself for the elements and he just stood there, at the front door, for a very long time. He found himself in somewhat of a somber mood, reflective, but it was less energetic then he was used to. It was the kind of mood that had only led him outside because he had no other choice. It was a rather depressed mood that he had found himself in lately but never had he felt himself so drained of energy. Sure he had been depressed lately, something that he attributed to Envy's mood influencing him through that bond but today he seemed to hit a whole new low. The truth was that he had never been happy when she wasn't happy, but with that bond that was so very strong, he found himself exemplifying that quite literally .
Eventually though he had wandered to a building that would inevitably not be too far from where Envy would end up. Of course, he didn't know where she was going, he just needed to be somewhere out of the cold. Sure, there were many things that Gavin could weather, but in this instance, he needed to get out of it. So he found the corner of some lobby to sit down in, letting the defeat that he was feeling wallow over him. Truly he wasn't happy if Envy wasn't. Part of him feeling like a failure, latching on to every one of his failures. His inability to make her feel powerful. His inability to protect her. Sure, there were successes, but there was one defeat that ever loomed on his mind as of late. It was a black mark that he couldn't forget because she had been hurt so very badly. Violated and abused and he had been able to do nothing but watch.
Gavin was so out of it that a few humans had taken up residence in the lobby he was in to escape the weather, starting and fire and noticing him, his demeanor not that of a reaver but a human, defeated, just like them. They invited him over to their fire and reluctantly he had joined them. The offered him food and tried to converse with him. The food he took, but the conversation? He remained silent, reflecting on his inability to defend his mate, felt the shame of weakness once more. It was something that had pushed him on to become stronger. The will to be more of a viscous reaver then he had been before, a better reaver, the old Gavin having been too weak. Now though, with that sense of defeat flooding through that bond, he lacked the will to do what he knew he should to the humans. He got up silently and left.
For hours more he wandered through the snow, making no real progress, going in circles really, hoping for purpose, any thoughts of Envy met with failure, defeat. Brokeness. It wasn't until he felt that last emotion that he had felt that pang through that bond. It was as strong as it was weak. The sense of it drawing out the basest instinct of a reaver, unconsciously. His feet once more carried him with a sense of purpose, posture reflective of that even if his mind was still very much out of it, a fire slowly growing within his mind all the same.
Eventually he found himself at the door of a building that he was unsure of its name. It was a building that he had seen many times. A building that he had known inside and out, the one that he had been led to, through no will of his own. A silent voice telling him in his head what he must do. Silently he opened the door and closed it behind him as soon as he entered. There was a figure at the center of the hall. He knew instinctually that it was Envy and that alone brought a slight smile to his face. Unlike him though he would not call out to her. His face moving to that mural before her. Silently he would move forward, if she was alerted to his presence it would be through her paying attention to that bond and nothing more. For all intents and purposes he was a ghost, his actions guided as if they weren't his own.
When he knelt down beside her though, not looking to his left his actions he found were is own. Still though he did not move to interrupt her, or even look at her, no, she was still nearly nonexistent. Gavin found he had something to do that was far more important then give her acknowledgement in this moment, the oddity of that not lost on him, but it was something that had been slowly and subtly growing within him since the night his mate had performed that dark ritual. He was only a lowly reaver but he hoped that his prayer would be heeded. And so for the first time he lowered his head and folded his hands together, eyes closing.
"Dark Lord hear my prayer. Forgive me for my weakness. Punish me in your dark fires. May your fires burn away the festering disease that is my weakness. Smile upon me once more. Smile so that you might grant me your strength. Allow me strength to have vengeance. Your chosen daughter as been grievously harmed allow me to grant her vengeance on her enemies and in turn yours. My Soul is hers to command as is hers to your command. Allow me to be her perfect tool of destruction, of vengeance. May your chaos and destruction ever reign, Amen."
Gavin didn't know what to do, but the prayer had been one in quiet earnest. he had never been a reverent man, even after selling over his soul, but there had been no bargaining in his prayer, only a wish to recommit his soul fully to Envy, and by extension Satan. He couldn't be weak again, anymore. Not for his mate. This had to be the last of it and if his prayer was to be answered, it would be.... And so he waited for a sign, uncertain of what it would be...
Post by Brie "Phthonus" Adams on Jan 22, 2014 9:13:17 GMT -4
I love the dirty tricks
and twisted games you play on me.
She felt him approaching long before the doors to the Necropolis ever opened, and yet she did not move. Instead, she remained there upon the floor, kneeling there as her fingers delicately caressed the pendant which she grasped softly within her hands. She knew he had not followed her, for if he had he would not have dared to enter. He knew how volatile she could be, how irrational her mind could get when she felt that something she had said had been neglected or ignored. He never disobeyed, at least not without just cause, and seeing as how she had done nothing to give him reason, she had to guess that there was something else which had led him here.
As he moved to kneel down beside her, she did not bother to turn her head to look at him. It was an oddity, that much was certain, as anyone that knew the two of them knew that both of them could rarely manage to keep their eyes off of each other. (Among other things.) In this moment however, she could not or would not bring herself to face him. Instead, she sat there silently, not even flinching as he began to speak. Instead, she would simply close her eyes as she listened to his words, feeling her own emptiness and despair continue to grow and consume her.
She knew that as of late, he had been anything but happy. His mood reflected her own as it so often had, only now it was much worse. He hated to see her in the state that she kept herself in and yet she could not do anything to pull herself free from it. Every time she turned around, she was filled with a sense of failure, a sense of weakness...two emotions that the Kakai was not familiar with and that she did not take to easily. She had always been the one to bite, scratch, claw her way to the top. She fought for and won every thing she had and she was proud of that. This however. This was something she could not bring herself to get over, no matter how many failures she had in her past that she had so easily brushed aside. This was like a scar on her blackened little soul, painted in vibrant red so that the world could see it. She had no clue how to even begin washing it away.
When he was done, she would notice the soft rolling of tears down her cheeks, though why they were there she could not say. Perhaps it was the fact that she had been touched that he would bow his head and pray to her Father such as this, or perhaps it was because of the emotions swirling around inside of her. To be honest, she could easily say it was both and very likely would not be lying. No movement given to wiping them away, she released a slow breath into the cold room as she sighed, letting the silence once more envelope them.
It was a a good few minutes before she would even bother to speak, her voice soft and holding the pain she felt inside in each syllable that rolled off of her tongue. "I failed him." She nodded, slowly leaning forward as she placed that pendant down upon the cold stone floor and with two delicate fingers pushed it forward toward the mural of her Father. "For six years, I have tried so hard to please him and each year I have done just that." She tried to choke back the emotion in her voice, to steady herself as best she could.
Shaking her head as a few more tears ran down her face, she reached up and pulled the pin which kept her hair wrapped neatly atop her head. Long pink locks cascading down over her back and shoulders, the ends of which pooled upon the floor, she would feel her lower lip tremble ever so slightly. "This year however...." She choked up on her final words, her tiny fist pressing softly against her lips as teeth bit down firmly upon her index finger to stifle back a rather broken sob.
Was she angry that he was here? Of course not. Though it would not be hard to reason that she could be. This had always been something that was private, to her and her alone and though she loved Gavin, she still wished to have bits of her life which belonged to her and only her. Yet kneeling here, with his presence so clearly beside her, she could not find it in her to get angry like she could have..like she should have done. It was unlike Envy. Very much so. Still nothing she did...no thought she possessed...was enough to push her to that point. The sadness she felt was simply too great and only increasing as the depths of her failure truly began to take hold.
Post by Gavin Adams on Jan 22, 2014 15:06:58 GMT -4
Gavin's emotions had been and always would be reflections of her own. The truth was ever since he had laid eyes on her his mood had been dependent on her own. Was it healthy? No, not to the level which he depended on her, and even a small part of him understood this, but the real question was did he care? The answer was an unequivocal no. Just as unhealthy as if might be at times it was something that was necessary for him. It was something that he discovered long ago. He didn't know how or when it happened exactly but he knew that long ago he had reached the point where he realized that he could not live without her and so from that moment on, for better or words, an idiom that was oddly fitting now, he had been bound to her, even if he had not yet been bound to her as a reaver.
When he finished his prayer, asking for strength to pour out vengeance on her enemies and return her to her former status he would wait. He had never really prayed before so he expected that he should wait for an answer, even if it was a smiting so that he could be removed and a better reaver could replace him. Did he knew how much Envy loved him? Yes. Did he knew that no other person could again receive that same level of love? Yes. But that did not stop him from wondering if he was not the reaver that she needed sometimes. Images of him watching her being brutally raped as he did nothing flashing through his mind. The fact that he had been forced to do so not only by the pair but by Envy, for his own good completely forgotten. His failure ever crushing, driving him to grow stronger and he had, but so far he had been unable to pull Envy from the misery of failure that she still resided in. The last thing he wanted to do was to leave her, to not be her reaver anymore but if that was what she required, Gavin would accept his punishment from Satan without question as he was sucked down for an eternity so Envy could once again prosper. He wouldn't deny though his wish for his prayer to be answered in the affirmative.
For a long time Gavin waited, for something, for anything, the only thing to permeate through that room was the sound of her sigh. Still Gavin waited, it wasn't until Envy spoke that she drew Gavin's head from that bow. Those three words, quiet as they may be, filled with anguish, his eyes opening to look at her, seeing those tears streak down her face, a sight that tugged at his heart strings. Watching her silently as she nodded, placing that pendant down and slowly sliding it forward, wanting to say something to tell her that it wasn't true, and yet for once, he kept silent. There was just something different in this air and even though he had interrupted her a hundred times before in the past to contradict her, her she needed to say what she needed to say. He had been led here, but he was still an interloper. This was her floor, her moment, her personal time.
Slowly she continued in a tone that was very unlike her, much the same as his prayer, up until this night had been very unlike him. She spoke of pleasing her Father in her six years of existence, but as she spoke her tone suggested that this time something different had occurred. Watching her released her head from that pin as if fell down over her shoulders, he also saw those tears running down her face. Her choking on her last three words telling him all he needed to know about how she felt about this year.... The year she had taken him on as her reaver, her sob stifled by the bite down on her fist. That feeling of failure rising sharply as she fell deeper and deeper into her despair. For another moment there was a pause, followed this time by a sigh from him, "No..."
Gavin paused again, not because he was afraid to admit it but because he had to feel this, feel her despair and failure. He needed to not for some sick satisfaction but so if he were allowed he would know to never again let her reach this depth. To remind him to do anything in his power, anything possible to keep her from this again. Slowly he would continue, "I failed you... It rests squarely on my shoulders as a reaver."
Gavin's eyes and head would drop from her as a sign of submission to her, and in turn her father, signalling himself as a tool for her dark use and pleasure, "Forgive me my Queen."
Post by Brie "Phthonus" Adams on Jan 25, 2014 23:13:46 GMT -4
I love the dirty tricks
and twisted games you play on me.
Tears prickling at the back of her eyes would blur her vision slightly as she knelt there, letting her failures over the past year slowly eat away at her. She knew that he felt it himself, the ever present weight of failure as it pressed down upon them and yet his failure was one that she believed to only be fabricated within his mind. It always had been. She had never seen him as the failure that he was so certain he was. In fact, she had never seen him as anything less than the perfect Reaver. If she had, she never would have taken him as her own. True as her love for him might have been, he knew her well enough to know that it did not mean she would claim him as her Reaver based on it alone. After all, their entire relationship had been built during a time that they were not bound together.
Yet, knowing this and knowing her and how she was, he still let his self esteem problems consume him. Time and time again, especially over the past year, he had let his insecurities and his self doubts weigh him down and cloud his mind. It was something she had witnessed and that had torn her apart inside, something she had tried so desperately to fix even if she had no real idea how to do so. Yet nothing she did was ever enough. If anything, all the efforts she had made to repair the damage within him, had been nothing more than temporary fixes. So temporary in fact that each time she managed to do so, it was not long before he was upset about something else.
It was frustrating, but more than that, it was depressing. She knew all too well that in light of recent events, he had tried hard to conceal his own worries from her. She knew though, despite even his best efforts. He was broken up inside and he blamed himself, that he had not been strong enough, the he had not been good enough to save her. A fact that only proved to fuel the depression that she suffered from. It was not bad enough that every waking moment was filled with memories of what had been done to her, but there was also the ever present thoughts of what it had done to him. What she had done to him.
Of course, it had never been her intent to harm him further...to make his self esteem issues worse than they already had been. She had only been trying to save him, as selfish as her reasons might have been, and yet each day now was a reminder that she had only managed to further destroy some small part of him. It was a fact that only compounded the amount of self loathing that she suffered from, making her wish day in and day out that they had succeeded in killing her that night. She had been so, so close and yet she had been too afraid to let go. If she had....
She closed her eyes, warm tears running down her cheeks as her lower lip quivered ever so slightly. Listening carefully to the words he spoke, she said nothing at first. What could she say? If she had learned anything over the past year, it was that nothing she ever said was good enough and that in the end, he would feel how he felt because of her. If it wasn't for her, he might have been in a better place all together by now. Actually, she was sure of it. She had ruined his chances at having a better existence and though her sin prevented her from ever truly letting him go, the thought had crossed her mind as to whether or not it would be wise to release him from that bond that linked them as Overmind and Reaver.
This idea, so radical and wild, it was the effects of regret on a woman who never before felt such a thing. It was something the Reaver knew to be true about his mate, as she had proven time and time again that she did not know how to handle or process the emotion. She didn't like it and in her radical attempts to rid herself of it, she often did things that seemed, and often times were, rather extreme. Yet, even though the thought had crossedd her mind, more and more so lately as the days grew darker and the anniversary of her birth slowly approached, she could not bring herself to do it. Perhaps it was selfish need which prevented her from doing so, and in truth, she knew for a fact it was...but she just couldn't. Not yet at least. She loved him too much. But more than that, she needed him. She couldn't do this without him, as she had barely been managing so far with him. If she lost him now...she lost everything.
”It is I who should be pleading for your forgiveness.” She spoke finally, her words a soft whisper into the frigid air. Body softly trembling as the cold began to close in around her, she lifted her arms and wrapped them slowly and softly about herself. Little hands softly running up and down along the length of her arms, she created a small amount of friction to warm herself as her eyes once more opened and she looked once more upon the mural in front of her.
”I have failed you as your Mistress...as your mate.” There was no denying the pain in her voice, no matter how soft spoken her words might have been. Damp lashes fluttering as her mascara left dark trails down her porcelain face. Kitsune nails softly digging into the flesh of her arms as she gripped them tightly and fought not to tremble harder as the weight of her depression seemed to increase.
”I have loved you, for as long as I have been on this Earth. There is not a memory I have of this place that does not in some way lead to thoughts of you. Y-Yet...this past year, since I claimed you as my own, I have done nothing but damage you further.” She tried to stop it, but the memories of that night came flooding back, her breath hitching in her throat as she closed her eyes once more and lowered her head in no small amount of shame. She did not even try concealing it, laying bare her pain before both him and her Father.
”I thought...I thought that I could change things. I thought that I could make life better for not only myself, but you as well. However, I have done nothing but further your self doubts and shame you in ways that I can never take back.” Her words trembled just as her body, her tears more prominent now as those sharp little nails began to draw tiny droplets of blood to the surface of her flesh. ”I am so sorry, Gavin. It was never my intention to fail you as much as I have...to be-become this...this thing that I am now.” Turning her head away, she slowly lowered herself from her knees, hip pressing into the cold stone beneath her and legs curling beside her.
For a moment, the silence once more took hold of the room and yet it was clear that she was not finished. If anything she was trying simply to collect herself...at least enough to finish what she had to say. A tiny hand, now dotted with specks of crimson, falling from her arm and pressing into the stone below, to balance herself and keep from crumpling to the floor under the weight of her sadness. ”I-I could..I could fix it...I could...save you.” When she so clearly could not save herself. Her heart breaking as she spoke the words, yet she knew that as selfish as she may be, for him she would do...anything.
Post by Gavin Adams on Jan 26, 2014 3:50:55 GMT -4
As those tears filled her eyes Gavin frowned. Gavin had never liked to see her in pain and from the time that he had fallen in love with her his life revolved around doing whatever he possible could to keep her from that pain. Her tears crushing him he would frown. The pain that she felt now, causing him so much more anguish then it had in times past. Ever since the strengthening of their bond he had been able to feel everything that she did and well, when it came to her in pain, he fed off of it. Not in a good way mind you, but rather his own depression, his own sense of failure. As his existence revolved around keeping her happy and from feeling that pain, he couldn't help but feel like a failure as not only a reaver, but as a lover. So lately he had done everything he could to pull her from her depression. He had spoiled her in gifts, of both blood, jewelry and the like, yet nothing he could do could pull her from her depression and that kept him from escaping his sense of failure.
Was he a failure as a reaver? More particularly as her reaver? He couldn't help but feel that he was, especially with how depressed and defeated she was now, after his inability to protect her. See, the problem was that Gavin counted only his failures. In long nights or days alone, or moments that he found himself unable to sleep they were what he thought of. Deep down though, he knew the truth, somewhere. He knew that even with her love for him, her title, her position, her pride and reputation demand that she have a good reaver. One who wasn't a failure. That alone was a fact that kept him from diving off the deep end, even if it wasn't apparent with his plethora of self esteem issues.
Gavin knew that he could be a good reaver, he knew that he was a good reaver. He had been Ophelia's pride and joy, the talk of the higher class overmind community. He had done a good job bringing her reputation and honor. But why couldn't he do that for Envy? Why did he feel like all he did was fail her? It was something that he couldn't quite get his mind around. He didn't puzzle on it long though because he focus was on her, heart being twisted more and more with each tear that she shed.
His eyes drawn to her as she spoke, a slight amount of shock crossing his face as that puff of air was released from her lips along with those words. A frown soon followed as he felt regret stemming from her through that bond. It was an emotion that was foreign to her, along with shame. Those two emotions he could only remember occurring once each on one other occasion besides this one. Feeling that emotion from her caused Gavin to fear what was going to come from her lips or what she was going to do, all the while trying to remain still and quiet to hear her out, knowing that more words were coming.
As she spoke of failing him as not only his mistress and his mate he bit the side of his cheek to stifle a whimper. Feeling that warm red fluid roll across his tongue as he was unable to keep his head from shaking a little as she mentioned her failure as a mate. The shaking of his head becoming slowly firmer as that shame flowed through her at her mention of her hurting him more and more. Teeth grinding into the side of his cheek, too keep himself from whimpering or saying something, knowing that she had to say her piece before he could say anything.
When she mentioned that she thought she could make a better life for him, that she had shamed him as that emotion flowed through her, Gavin couldn't help but feel the same. This time he was unable to stop the whimper that was released from his lips. He wanted to tell her how much better she had made his life. Once again though he would refrain from speaking at least, shame filling him as he now felt ungrateful for everything she had done for him. oh, he knew that she had done a lot, he knew that she had done things for him that she would do for no other. He knew the depths of her love through her actions and all the same he was making her feel like this. His insecurities were tearing her apart, the little things, and yet he was unsure if he had ever mentioned just how much her actions that were so contrary to her nature truly meant to him.
Gavin's eyes dropped to her arms, watching her nails dig into her flesh, not roughly, but just enough so that droplets of blood rolled down her arm. Frowning as she apologized for failing him so badly, though this time she spoke of herself disparagingly. Watching her sink further to the floor he realized just how low her opinion of herself had sunk.
Silence enveloping the room he wanted to speak but there was still a heaviness in the air. He knew that she was not done, and that scared him the most. That pause feeling more as if it was a reprieve so that she might strengthen herself for something that would be rather unpleasant. Would it be torturous? No, Gavin knew that was not going to be the case, but there were other ways that it could be just as bad. And in his mind, indeed it was as she spoke those words. Was she specific? No, but she didn't need to be. Gavin knew what she had just suggested, her heart breaking at her words all the proof that he needed that she was actually suggesting what he thought she was. It was a gesture that was so very unlike her, so very unlike her sin and as much as it showed her true love for him, the very thought of what she was suggesting appalled him to the core. And though he'd pause, he'd shake his head almost immediately before pausing again.
Slowly he'd lift his hand to lift her chin so that her blue eyes would fall upon his. When he was certain that she was looking at him he'd speak quietly, but firmly, "I need you to save me."
Though he had used her words it was clear that he did not mean what she did, "I need you to become who you were again... for me."
Gavin nodded, knowing she'd understand him and assuring her that this was what he wanted, that this was what he needed. It had occurred to him that even though he accepted that she'd be sleeping with others and he acknowledged that it was only truly him that she loved, he had never mentioned that to her. He had only told her that it would continue to hurt him, which truly, he doubted that that would ever change, but never again would he doubt where her heart truly lie. Certain she was going to look to him with some shock he would smile weakly and nod once more, "You never failed me, it was always I who failed you. I kept you from being who you needed to, that perfect evil little demoness that got you where you stand today."
Gavin would pause once more, eyes looking down as he sighed, it was now his turn to fill that bond with shame, "You have done nothing but make my life better. You have never brought shame to me. You have brought me love that was.... no one has ever loved me like you do, has never cared about my well being... My self doubts..."
Gavin looked up at her trying to work through the puzzle that had run through his mind earlier that had remained unsolved, it was a slow process but eventually realization finally filled his eyes, "I am a good reaver... I know it... people used to fear me. They used to talk about how well I did my duty as a reaver for that bitch. But you know what? I always looked for a way to fail. I always hoped that i'd be to slow to get to her, was able to miss that one shot to save her. I never cared about being a good reaver for her. But for you, I don't want to be a good reaver... I need to be the best."
Gavin smiled and nodded, fingers stroking a few locks of hair behind her ear, "I need to be perfect for my mistress and I just see... my failures stick out more then my successes. Leaving you to get raped and almost killed, being unable to do anything but watch...I failed you then and I vowed to be better for you, I have to, I can't let that happen to you again I can't stand to see you in that pain... Like I failed you in keeping you from being who you need to be."
"I've been so ungrateful," Gavin sighed and looked away for a moment before turning his eyes to her again, eyes this time filled with love and resolve, "Thank you... Thank you for everything you've done for me. For how you've loved me, for how you've saved me. Now please, save me again, be the Envy that you are, the one without shame and regret... for me... And then no one will again be able to defy you and those that try... I will clear from your path..."
Post by Brie "Phthonus" Adams on Jan 29, 2014 3:00:54 GMT -4
I love the dirty tricks
and twisted games you play on me.
It took her long time to realize what she was hearing. To be honest, she had thought for a moment that the drugs had fried her brain and that she was hallucinating the words that were coming from his lips. Tears freely falling down her pale face, she chewed upon her lower lip, eating away the lipstick that was there and revealing the blueish color beneath. She was cold, but more than that the constant intake of drugs that she had been subjecting her body to was wearing her down. Normally, it wasn't a problem, as consumption of human flesh would fix her up and make her good as new. Only, she hadn't eaten any in weeks. Sure, she had nibbled here and there, just enough to cover up the track marks on her arms from the injections that she had been giving herself. But that was never enough to repair all the damage, and honestly, she hadn't cared. Why should she? As far as she was concerned, she was nothing anymore. Just a hallowed out shell of the Overmind she used to be.
Just because he told her that she wasn't, just because he told her that she was special, didn't mean anything. She had her good days, few and far between, where she felt as though she were the same little Satanic Princess that she had concocted in her mind years ago. But more often than not, it was a feeling emptiness and worthlessness that completely consumed her every waking thought. These thoughts of doubt and self hatred only fueled by the fact that she was certain her lover, her mate, looked at her as being less of a woman.
Oh sure, he had told her that it wasn't her fault, this tragic thing that had happened to her. He told her that he didn't blame her. But day in and day out, she saw him there, wallowing in the regret he felt because he could do nothing to save her. He never once stopped to realize that they would have killed him and then...what? They would have had their way with her anyway and it was likely they would have continued tormenting her for days, even months. More than that though...he had never told her, that what he witnessed, what he saw when he looked at her...was not some weak, pathetic woman. Yes, he may have told her that she was a strong woman, a vengeful Overmind and a force to be reckoned with...But never about that night. In fact, aside from when the topic had to be addressed, neither of them spoke of it and in all those times they had, he had never once told her...that he wasn't ashamed. That he wasn't angry or resentful toward her for making him stay back. For making him behave. He had never once...told her thank you.
Perhaps it was petty of her to want such a thing? She didn't know. She wasn't accustomed to human ways and so it never really dawned on her that it might be. Envy was still Envy, beneath the dark shroud of uncertainty and depression. She was still a greedy, spiteful little demon who craved praise and knowledge that she was the best of the best....the one and only that could ever make him happy, make him whole...make him proud. It tore her apart inside not to have that knowledge and yet shame, a shame that he had taught her to have, kept her from asking. Though it was not shame alone...no, it was her pride as well...what little of it remained. Pride in not crawling to him to beg him to tell her what she needed to hear like those men had forced her to crawl to them. To beg them.
That was why she had stopped eating. She had found no reason to heal, no reason to feel like the invincible little monster that he had once loved. She had thought, perhaps foolishly, if she gave him everything he lacked by giving up his humanity...a new home, a new life... a mate...that he would have been okay, that he would have forgiven himself...and further more, her. But, no matter how happy she made him at the time, in the end it always came back to this. These emotions that now cycled between them, growing worse and worse as they fed off one another. No hope of salvation, of being pulled from the bottomless abyss.
Save for one.
But she was terrified of a life without him. Scared to death of waking without him in her bed, and knowing that he had spent the night with another woman, another Overmind who had laid claim to him. He was her perfect Reaver...and she had destroyed him. So what was the point in healing, when the pain didn't go away? What was the point, when she knew that tomorrow would only hold more sorrow and more disappointment? The bruises and needle marks on her arms no longer hidden as she no longer had the strength to care if he knew or not. She was tired...so very tired and now, sitting here before the image of her Father, in the closest thing to a temple her kind could possess, and with her at her side...she realized just how tired she really was.
His fingers brushing a few locks of hair from her face, she shook her head, turning away as she laid her hands within her lap, looking down at her hands and they trembled in both fear and as a result of the cold. She should have built a fire in the fireplace when she entered, but even on the verge of giving up the only person that she ever truly wanted more than power or popularity...more than any trinket in the world could ever offer...she still could not function without him. She was still his spoiled little demoness. Right up to the end.
"I..d-don't know...if I can. I-I don't know...if I am even..s-still me...anymore." She forced the words out, closing her eyes as she lowered her head and curled her little hands into fists. Sobbing softly, she let go of everything she had been holding back from him, letting every ounce of her self hatred and her sadness consume that bond. Until now, he had only felt and understood a fraction of how she felt and he had thought it was horrible. Now...she showed him the truth, the only way she knew how. A single hand pressing against the center of her chest as her breathing began to quicken and the pain began to set in. Tearing herself apart from the inside out.
Post by Gavin Adams on Jan 29, 2014 20:08:27 GMT -4
Gavin kept his eyes on her as he spoke, face remaining somber as he spoke. Watching those tears pouring down her face tore at his heartstrings, her nibbling on her lip revealing that blueish tint that was on her lips underneath her lipstick. It was only something that drew a casual glance towards the fireplace confirming that one had not been started. It was something that honestly he wasn't too terribly surprised by, it was and had always been his job to start the fire. He noted the blueness of her lips only as something that he would have to rectify with the starting of a fire in a few minutes, Gavin honestly didn't think of it as anything too terribly out of the ordinary.
Sure, things were not exactly normal, normal as he was used to them. Things weren't exactly peachy and he would be the first to admit that, to himself at least. The depression, from both of them, the failure, it was uncomfortable for him, and nearly crippling for her. He had noticed her depression in the past few weeks. She had many more bad days then good ones. Many days where she was in bed all day. Did he knew that she was using drugs? Sort of was the answer. He highly suspected it, but to what extent he didn't know. He knew that she was drinking more and eating less. But he wasn't aware of how much less she was eating. She had done a good job of hiding that fact from him solely because the only times she was eating was when he was around. It was a little, something that concerned him, but the fact that she was kept him from asking. It seemed like enough, especially considering the times he had thought that she was pecking throughout the day.
Gavin frowned as he reached out to touch her only to have her head turn away. Her shake of her head putting him at something of a loss, but before he could say anything, in the midst of her shaking she would speak. Her words drawing a deeper frown from him, words that almost seemed out of proportion with the emotions that she had been showing him. Sure, she was depressed and felt like a failure, as did he, but these words seemed... a bit much even for her. Too weak, too resigned.
Before he could question her on it though she would give him her answer. In typical Envy fashion, as articulate as she was, she always got through to him better through actions. Her action of choice? Choosing to no longer hold back the the complete berth of her emotions. Gavin's reaction? It was staggering, causing him to gasp and sway as if he had been hit. Her sadness and self hatred hitting him like a sack of bricks. It was almost as if he could feel her breath quickening as the pain was quickly becoming unbearable for her, that much he knew. The strength of her emotions affecting his own but he attempted to keep that in check. His guilt over not noticing how much pain she was in present, but immediately taking a back seat in light of needing to help her, put her back together so to speak. All of his emotions taking a back seat to her needs at the time, arms wrapping around her, holding her tightly too him to try and keep her together, to keep her here with him.
It was then he noticed just how could she was, removing his own coat to wrap it around her, the large coat covering her tiny frame, pulling back a bit to wrap it around her arms. But as his hands slid over her arms it was then he noticed what she had been hiding from him all this time. Feeling the smallest of scabs on her arm he crabbed her forearm gently, pulling it forward to see those track marks, that those bruises from the injections she had been giving her self. That alone caused Gavin to frown. He has suspected something, but never this. There were too many, curiosity causing him to reach for her other arm to notice the same thing. Some were old, some were new but what he found concerned him the most were the old ones. The fact that they were still there and healing at a normal rate caused Gavin's eyes to look up to her in shock for a moment.... She wasn't eating... Looking down at the marks again it was clear to him that she wasn't just doing one or two a day, but a lot. His breath now shaking a bit as the realization hit him, hands sliding down her forearms to grasp hers, only to feel that one of them was wet... Grasping that arm by the wrist he examined it only to find that it was blood...
That look of concern clear on his face as he lifted his eyes once more to meet her asking, "What's this? And what are those? Why?... Why are you doing this to yourself?"
It was something that Gavin just couldn't comprehend and that was saying something, even with the bond he just didn't understand right now. Sure he knew that she was feeling depressed, and hating herself, but to let herself go this much? To hide it from him so well.... And to not care to let him see...To suggest releasing him...
Post by Brie "Phthonus" Adams on Jan 29, 2014 20:57:22 GMT -4
I love the dirty tricks
and twisted games you play on me.
She didn't even seem to notice when he pulled her into him, not did she notice the jacket as he wrapped it around her, securing her in a steady source of warmth that was not only familiar but that also held his scent. She had a habit of wearing his shirts at night, and lately, even during what they considered their days. She hardly ever left the house and when she did, it was without him or only for an hour or so before she returned and resigned herself to laying in the center of their bed, curled up around his pillow....Another thing that he seemed not to notice, or if he did, he never showed. The confusion she felt over him not realizing just how much she needed him staggering, just as her emotions were on him. She didn't understand and for months now she had tried so very hard to. Why, if he could read her better than anyone else, did he not see that she was drowning and he was the one thing that could save her? Did he not care?
The answer seemed so clear in her mind. She had betrayed him, right before his very eyes. She had made him feel weak. She had shamed him. Of course he didn't care. He wasn't proud and he hadn't forgiven her. Two things that, in the six years she had spent on this Earth, he had conditioned her into believing she needed in order to function. But yet now...it was like none of that had ever happened. Now, it was like he had never said or done those things. Even after looking at her as she knelt there, bleeding and dripping with...with...Even then he had spoken those words to her. But now? Now he could only feel sorry for himself and her logic was quite simply that it was because of her. She had failed him and now, he was filled with shame and regret over ever having become her's.
That bond was great. It told them what the other felt and it helped them to be what they were together...but it did not tell her why he felt what he did and for an Overmind who could not understand regret and shame the way that he did, it was highly likely that she would jump to some wild eyed conclusion. In fact, she was known for doing as much, on her good days. This? This was something else entirely.
A soft whimper given as he gripped her arm and pulled it into view, her head turning away, gaze hidden behind her hair as he went about inspecting her. She could feel his utter shock and confusion, yet she chalked it up only to him having not really paid attention to her that much as of late. How many times had she laid in that bed, wrapped around his pillow and he had done nothing but go out? Yeah, he brought her things back, but the one thing that she needed to make it better...was the one person that kept walking out the door. The memories of those nights drawing a soft whimper as she pulled her arms free and her hands, hiding them beneath the jacket as she curled up and attempted to disappear against him as she once had. She just wanted him to make it better, but for so long now, he had stopped just shy of doing so.
She could try though, choking back a soft little sob as she nuzzled into his chest, trying to push herself into his lap and curl up against him. If she could just get him to hold her, to shield her from the world outside, then maybe it would all go away. It had not worked any time in recent past, but at this point she was so far gone that she would continue to try regardless. The definition of insanity, trying over and over again the same thing, expecting a different result each time. But in truth, Envy had always been a bit insane...now, the only difference was, she no longer thought clearly.
Before she could slip into his lap however, he would speak and his voice suggested a genuine confusion that she was actually astounded to hear in him. Yet, she did not have the capacity to register it with the same emotional response that she normally would have. Hell, she couldn't even lift her head once she had laid it upon his chest. Instead, she simply looked down to her hand which she now saw coated in tiny droplets of blood and wondered idly where they had come from. The fact that her lips were also stained not seeming to click within her mind.
Slowly, she would shake her head, sighing not in frustration or exhaustion, but in sheer and utter defeat. "I was bad..." She felt her lower lip tremble as she closed her eyes, curling up a bit more and gripping the edges of his jacket greedily and possessively. If it was the only way she could feel that sense of security and acceptance that she once had, she wasn't going to let it go. Not now at least. Eventually though it would fade...those feelings that the jacket wrapped around her provided...It always did. Then she would be right back where she always was...lost and alone in her own personal hell with no way out and nobody left to save her.
Post by Gavin Adams on Jan 29, 2014 23:04:31 GMT -4
That bond that they now shared had a great meany advantages, they were able to be in tune with each other emotionally in ways that they never would have been able to before. It was an advantage that the couple that had already knew what the other was going to do before they did it found to be even more advantageous. But for all of it's advantages, it had a number of disadvantages and one in particular seemed especially poignant. It didn't explain why the one individual was feeling the way they did, that was based solely on knowing the other person.
Now Gavin knew Envy very well. Better then anyone in fact, it was that fact alone that had made them a formidable pair long before they were bonded. As advantageous as that bond had been, it had blinded the reaver. He had been looking to it far too often for her emotions and trying to react to them instead of the underlying cause. It had been a foolish mistake, one that he had not recognized, nor did he grasp the full consequences as a result of those actions, not yet at least. All he felt was her shame, failure and regret. It wasn't that he didn't care, not did he think she was worthy of his pride. No, the truth was that he was nothing but proud of her, always, at every moment. He had just been trying to treat her unhappiness and depression as if they were the sickness, not just the symptoms. He had done his best to help her, he really had, trying to pull at her sin with all those gifts he had given her, the blood that he spilled on her behalf, but he just didn't see what she needed, if he had, if he had not been so focused on the emotions she had been feeling, but more on why, he might have seen what she needed.
As Gavin held her hand looking at the blood he looked up at her as she looked away, that hair hiding he gaze from him. Her hair did not, however, hide that blood on her lips, frown ever deepening as he realized now that something was terribly wrong with her. If she didn't have any wounds on her, other then the marks from the needle so it had to be an internal injury, she would have been dead if she had seriously gotten hurt otherwise. Gavin bit his tongue forcing back a whimper. Feeling her as she nuzzled into his chest, savoring the contact, watching her try and press forward until he asked her those questions.
With his words she stopped, she stopped trying to move into him entirely. Head still laying against her chest her hand moved briefly for a second before she spoke three words that made him stop entirely. Hell, his whole world stopped. He didn't even notice that she was trying to move into that jacket for security. She was bad? It hit him almost instantly and that shame and regret she felt coming so clearly to his mind right now, tugging on his heart and making him feel the same thing in response at his missing the source of her emotions. Aside from tonight and the night where she had nearly killed herself, she had felt it before. It was a twisted variation, but it was shame and regret all the same, the same she felt now, he just hadn't noticed the subtle difference because the bond that they shared now was not the one that they had shared when he had made her feel that specific shame. It was the same shame and regret he had felt as a boy when his father would beat him into submission, something that he could now feel clearly and relate to perfectly.
Instantly Gavin's mind played memory and memory over and over. Feeling that shame and tracing it back, back to where it began. It hadn't started the night that their bond strengthened to what it was now... No.... She hadn't felt it until that night.... That night that he would never forget... That night that burned itself in its entirety into his mind. Looking back on it now, forcing himself to relieve the memories of watching her raped and tortured, unable to do anything but watch her shame... it hadn't started until she was forced to make him still... The realization that it was not what had happened to her that made her feel that shame and regret but what she was forced to do to him dawning on him.
Instantly, it all made sense. The shame, the regret, why she felt she was bad. She thought she had wronged him, like he had taught her so many times before when he had beaten her and abused her for being unfaithful to him. She took his sense of failure to be something he blamed on her. As if he believed himself a failure because she stopped him from trying to save her. He saw now, he understood. The truth was though, his sense of failure came from the fact that he had been too weak to give her any other choice but to force him to be good, for herself yes, but more importantly for him. Sure, she was a cruel, evil and selfish woman, but never when it came to him. That was why she made him do it, because she wanted him to live, above all else. She knew that his sensibilities as a reaver, his love for her would never let him stop trying, even if it was a fruitless endeavor. The belief that she had shamed him, by doing that, like he had told her she shamed him whenever she slept around made sense now. It was a different kind of shame, but he knew her knowledge of shame was incomplete enough not to know the difference, that she was not the cause of his shame, but himself.
For a long moment Gavin paused as he thought how to proceed, what words she needed to hear the most, that she was not bad or that he forgave her. Ultimately he decided that the answer was neither, but something else entirely. Slowly but firmly and without doubt his arms wrapped around her as he settled on his butt, pulling her into his lap. Holding her head to his chest he would stroke her hair softly. Leaning down he would whisper into her ear quietly but lovingly, "I'm proud of you, you know that? You were so strong that night and I am so proud of you. Thank you for saving my life, my love. I love you so much my mate."
There was so much more he wanted to say, to explain, but in this moment all that he could think to say, "You weren't bad that night... You were strong and I'm proud of you. I'm sorry for not saying that before now..."
Nodding as he nuzzled into her hair lovingly, arms wrapping around her a bit more tightly trying to warm her up, trying to convey his pride and love for her, as well as his unconditional acceptance of her....