[justify]20 February 2012:

So people apparently do celebrate Valentine's Day down in Safe Haven. In their own discreet ways, of course. A fellow scout reminded me we were both single, and by his twisted logic, this meant we should totally hook up.

I don't get why they bother with me anymore, I really don't. For a while now, I've just been this weird, genderless entity in the Haven military that looks like a girl, acts nothing like one and is just kind of hovering in the background. It's better than having men slap my ass or hoot random shit at me when I cross the mess hall. Life as the minority sex is not fun.

I guess I'm not entirely approachable, which makes any male attention baffling. I like being that way. Every time some guy hits on me, the first thing I see is Liam's face. That in itself is creepy enough. I know I'm over that whole messy deal, but I still feel majorly uncomfortable the moment a man attempts to bridge the one-foot-of-no-touching distance around me. What is wrong with me?

This is just one reason why I'm regretting signing up as Lynch's tour guide. I need to get out of this arrangement ASAP. The playful flirtation thing is a great cover for when he's hissing death threats at me in public, but the guy has no sense of personal space.

Other reasons: I have absolutely no clue about what he'll do in the next five minutes or the next week. He's an enigma, and I don't like surprises. They can get you killed. He might just leave Haven and in the long run, that might be good for me. I never asked for a friend anyway. Too much emotional attachment involved and I don't think I have any left after the failed atempts with Claire and Gabriel. Again, we're back to my sociopathic, cold-bitch tendency.

Maybe it's a safeguard?

I have my uncle though (although him not being human anymore greatly reduces my worry about him getting killed out there). Besides him, I do have acquaintances. Nobody I see on a regular basis though. Of course, there are people I feel like I might want to get to know. But at the same time, I like the idea of never hurting over someone ever again. It's very comforting knowing that if Safe Haven went up in flames and everyone except my uncle died, I'd have no one to weep over. I have nothing to lose, cruel world!

I am one disturbed individual.

Outside of Safe Haven, though, I met a few decent people. Never saw them again, of course. Except for this one guy who I think might be certifiably nuts. I keep running into him in the most random places - usually during highly inconvenient moments - and I almost always regret it.

I finally found out his name on our third meeting. He just keeps getting even more volatile and violent as time passes. Also, I only just found out he is not human. Not anymore. Whoop-dee-doo, the people closest to me might just eat me one of these days. Rhaze in particular after his sanity switch is permanently flipped off.

I'm prety sure both Claire and Gabriel are dead. I really didn't know him, so it's not that bad. He was just my sole, genuine attempt to make a friend (which backfired, but what else is new? I learned my lesson.), but Claire is the last person I want to think about.

She was out in Fort York, so I'm fairly sure my not hearing anything means she's not around. Gabriel, though, just up and vanished from Safe Haven. I've been out most days over the winter, so I never did talk to him much. Someone said it was him behind that incident where those guards at the gates were killed and a soldier escaped. Funny they should use that word, "escaped". Like Safe Haven is a penitentiary. Ha.

Maybe it was him, maybe it wasn't. Either way, I'm remembering why I liked being such a hermit.

Peace, love, ignorance. Ciao.[/justify]